October 26, 2009 at 4:14 pm (Friends & Family Moments, Me Moments)
I hid myself last week.
It’s almost second nature to hide, to pretend that I am invisible so as to protect myself.
Even when the door opened and smiles greeted me, I folded my arms; so cautious and oh so afraid to be rejected.
Today I wanted to run again.
However I stayed and tried to make some conversations.
I listened, smiled and was amused with the sharing of Monday blues.
After we parted ways, I felt the adult in me grow an inch.
Today, I stayed.
October 22, 2009 at 11:11 am (Me Moments, People Moments)
I noticed her as she came out of the car
A middle aged woman with a heavy luggage
I paused for a while, slowing my pace
The words however did not come out quick
The strain upon her hand was obvious
She shifts the burden from one hand to another
For a moment our eyes met
She smiled, a gentle smile indeed
I smiled back albeit with some guardedness
This was a stranger after all
Should I?
I debated within me
It didn’t seem so heavy
She’s managing it well
What if I did offer
And she rejected it?
The notion of rejection chills my bone
I passed by her and proceeded my way
The Holy Spirit tapped on my heart
I was reminded of the story of the Samaritan
How the priest passed by an injured man
I hung my head in shame
I’m sorry, I whispered
Please help me to be quick to act in love
October 16, 2009 at 11:06 am (Me Moments)
What is it of passion that frightens me?
Of fear that it may override my senses
Sweeping me off to the big unknown
With nothing to hold or control
Only the trust of its mighty waves
October 7, 2009 at 12:13 pm (Courtship Moments, Me Moments)
I was browsing the links at http://demandyourdignity.com/ when I came across this website entitled Empowered Traditionalist. As I read through some of her articles, I find my heart resonate with the messages in there. I think after a while I tend to forget that as a woman I am precious, not because I deserve it but because of God’s grace.
September 9, 2009 at 6:09 pm (Career Moments, Me Moments, Movie Moments)
I’m drawn to this picture of Ellie in her old age because this is one of my favourite posture when I am deep in reflection.
A book in hand, drooping glasses, her hand on her chin, her mind momentarily lost in reflection – that’s who I am.
Seeing Ellie in the movie UP sparks something deep within. My ambition are not that of conquering the corporate world. They are of a simpler nature – to be with the man I love, to have a contented heart, a peaceful mind and live life with a sense of adventure. How I have strayed from my earlier dreams. What with the promotions, materialism, keeping up with the ’Janes’ and power, I lost myself for awhile. Seeing Ellie made me remember.
I hope when I grow old, I’ll have the same disposition as Ellie did – still deep in reflection but with a smile in her eyes and contentment in her heart.
September 1, 2009 at 9:36 pm (Me Moments)
Today I wondered whether it is okay to be the melancholy me for awhile. I have always been trying to run away from myself, fearing my moodiness may isolate myself from the people around me and end up lonely. This 2 years has been the hardest to tame the melancholy within me. I keep running till there’s no more place to hide.
So today I was a little tired and I sat down, wondering why I keep wanting to blend in when I can be myself. The world defines me and I sometimes take my cue from it. Mannerism, speech, words, actions, dressing – it has become a tired game of pretense and dress-up. I want no part of it anymore for my soul is hungry for more.
Someone once said, it is not that we desire too much. It is that we desire much too little. We settle for trinkets when the pearls are just before our eyes. Our appetites are much too easily pleased. Mine especially.
Droplets of rain, chasing the heat of yesterday. I stood for a while in the drizzle, allowing the droplets to moist my harden soul. A breeze blew by and I am reminded that You who created this world, say it is good.
Father, chase my dissatisfaction, my envy and let me rest once more in Your Providence.
June 25, 2009 at 10:47 pm (Me Moments, Movie Moments)
The past few days, I kept returning to the scene in Bride Wars where the sweet and docile Emma went berserk when she saw a raunchy video of her on a graduation night being played on her wedding day. She headed over to her best friend’s wedding which was just at the opposite hall; threw herself at Liv and fought it out.
At the end, Emma laid there on the floor with Liv and told her: “I can’t do this anymore.” She then broke off with her almost-husband as she knew deep down he was still in love with the old her – the one that’s back in high school. She on the other hand have moved on, changed to someone different.
June 8, 2009 at 10:08 pm (Me Moments)
Our hearts are like gardens | Filled with nooks and crannies
At the hidden places | There sometimes bloom a rose of two
If you could only find | I am sure you’ll be glad
Though it’s not a neat garden | Yet there’s art in its messiness
Here in my secret garden | Would you come and sit for awhile
June 6, 2009 at 4:06 pm (Me Moments)
Sometimes there’s a restlessnes within my being, almost a feeling of wanting to get out of the routine of life; to carve out a niche in this world – with meaning, fulfillment and enjoyment.
Sometimes I look beyond my fence with a deep sense of longing, wondering whether there’s more out there – to explore, to journey, to find a sense of identity in a world filled with wanna-bes.
I’m a daughter, a friend, a lover, a colleague, a leader… but above all I just want to be me.
May 29, 2009 at 2:44 pm (Me Moments)
I’m just really wanting to go create some beauty this weekend – play around with the DSLR Camera, doodle some pictures with lots of colors, or maybe put together a scrap book – something spontaneous, something beautiful, something freeing, something creative.
My melancholy souls demands of it. I’ve been deprived of it for far too long.
