Standing at the edge of a new horizons, I’m afraid to take a plunge for I know not whether I’ll soar or simply fall.
Today, I remembered a song that was sung many years back.
The phrase caught me:
Tiba masa kau melangkah gagah | Bersemangat ke arah matlamat sedaya upaya
So I did a search on the whole lyrics of the song and was reminded by the first part of the song.
Pahit getir hidup…
dan pengorbanan
Terpaksa dihadapi,
demi kejayaan
Terdidik sejak mula,
tabah berusaha
Tanpa cuba melangkah,
tak kemana
Di mana kau berada
Pencapaian tak tiba dengan mudah
If you do not take the first step, you won’t get anywhere.
Just one step and even if I fall, I know that I at least have tried.
I’m drawn to this picture of Ellie in her old age because this is one of my favourite posture when I am deep in reflection.
A book in hand, drooping glasses, her hand on her chin, her mind momentarily lost in reflection – that’s who I am.
Seeing Ellie in the movie UP sparks something deep within. My ambition are not that of conquering the corporate world. They are of a simpler nature – to be with the man I love, to have a contented heart, a peaceful mind and live life with a sense of adventure. How I have strayed from my earlier dreams. What with the promotions, materialism, keeping up with the ’Janes’ and power, I lost myself for awhile. Seeing Ellie made me remember.
I hope when I grow old, I’ll have the same disposition as Ellie did – still deep in reflection but with a smile in her eyes and contentment in her heart.
When I first started working; first gotten my promotion, I thought that’s success.
Then as the going gets tough… as my nose kept bumping into corners…as my pride gets squashed with mistakes… as colleagues seemingly give me the cold shoulders, I felt almost as if I am the biggest failure on planet earth.
Until…
I heared Your voice in the midst of the various situations.
You tell me that however people react to me does not diminish even one small part of my worth… You remind me that if I were to find myself in the same situation, I am to learn not to react the same way as they do but rather with kindness.
At the end of the day, if my character is better moulded…even if I may not get a quick promotion or better performance bonus; I may be successful after all.
I had a bit of a frustrating moment at work today, finding it difficult to fit in more so in a big group. Hence some of the posts for the day. As I went back and forth in my mind regarding my own social inadequacy, I begin to question myself: Why am I allowing other people to define who I am? Why should I be bothered about how I am viewed by other people?
An earlier conversation with Jo over dinner last Saturday also brought to mind the lessons on boundaries. Why should I be afraid of the comments or aloofness perceived from other people? Why can’t just let go of the ‘good’ image and just be myself – following my desires (as long as they are in line with God’s Word), likes or dislikes rather than cowering in fear as if they are the master and keeper of my life.
Boundaries – I am responsible for my emotions, actions and responses and not of other people.
It’s okay. I can stand because the definition of me is God – His love and grace.
I’ll be flying down to Singapore in 3 days time for a work assignment that may last for at least 2 months. Flights ticket have been confirmed, accommodation and other logistics are being looked into now, packing to be done tonight and some important things that need to be purchased: webcam and headset/microphone (unless my old one still works).
I am…
…excited because I finally get to sharpen my skills and experience a change of environment (clean streets, efficient public transportation, beautiful gardens, worth-the-visit museums!)
…nervous because of the workload that I am to anticipate. I am praying that I am able to adjust from a laid back lifestyle to a hectic one. Nonetheless, God is my Strength. It shall be lesson 101 on reliance and loving Him even more.
…sad because I am already missing Gabe, family, gal friends, CG members etc.
…humbled to see the hand of God in my life. And amazed at His grace. Deeply indebted to Him.
Another chapter, another grand adventure with the Lord. Despite some nervousness, I am looking forward to it.
I shall soon kiss my very balanced work life balance lifestyle goodbye and greet the hectic lifestyle that was to be my badge when I first started to work in this company. :p
“When things are not moving, nothing happens. When it starts to move, it sure moves fast!”
More updates to come later. I am still dazed from the news.
The stock indexes in the US, Hong Kong and Japan are plummeting to an all-time low. Singapore just announced that they are going through a recession. Yes, It is the beginning of a financial storm.
As a young working adult, it is easy to be caught up with the fear and panic of the public. I must admit, even before the financial crises hit many nations, I am one who worries about money. As the cost of living goes higher and the value of money becomes smaller, what I earn seem not enough more so when future plans are taken into consideration. Thus, there comes a temptation to work harder to get more; to get more in order to save more and to save more by denying myself the privilege of giving. It is Scrooge in the making!
I just finished my annual review with my career counselor and was surprised to notice how much a year of working has changed my perspective in terms of work satisfaction and evaluation of different work aspects such as work environment, tasks and roles given, salary and rewards, people, policies of the company and opportunities.
My satisfaction rating last year was lower as compared to this year. I was surprise! It was only last month when I pondered the possibility of switching job yet I was clearly satisfied with my place in the company (The rating I gave for my roles and work responsibilities were low - a 4 out of 10, the rest such as work environment, people, company however were 6 or 7). Even the priority I placed for each element was vastly different from last year. I placed highest priority for people this year when it was only my 4th priority last year.
The discussion with my career counselor brought into perspective a lot of things. I began to understand the reasons for my de-motivation. I also began to see myself in a realistic light. For many months, with the high learning curve and even higher expectations I have of myself, I got discouraged when I find myself not being able to pick up things as fast as I would like to. I felt stupid and wanted to quit badly!
Today however, I stand a little more assured of my place in the company and a lot more excited about the endless opportunities that lies ahead of me (even though the plan to send me to overseas for work is once again scrapped for the 4th time!). I also remember the words spoken by my Heavenly Father during one of my ‘Why am I here?’ moments.
This is to teach you that in your inadequacy, you would turn to Me instead of to yourself and your own cleverness.
It will be painful but I promise I will be there with you every step of the way.
With this promise, a better perspective and encouragement from others, I’m eager to start afresh. *Smile*
I’m drawn to this picture of Ellie in her old age because this is one of my favourite posture when I am deep in reflection.
And amazed at His grace. Deeply indebted to Him.
I just finished my annual review with my career counselor and was surprised to notice how much a year of working has changed my perspective in terms of work satisfaction and evaluation of different work aspects such as work environment, tasks and roles given, salary and rewards, people, policies of the company and opportunities.