Standing at the edge of a new horizons, I’m afraid to take a plunge for I know not whether I’ll soar or simply fall.
Today, I remembered a song that was sung many years back.
The phrase caught me:
Tiba masa kau melangkah gagah | Bersemangat ke arah matlamat sedaya upaya
So I did a search on the whole lyrics of the song and was reminded by the first part of the song.
Pahit getir hidup…
dan pengorbanan
Terpaksa dihadapi,
demi kejayaan
Terdidik sejak mula,
tabah berusaha
Tanpa cuba melangkah,
tak kemana
Di mana kau berada
Pencapaian tak tiba dengan mudah
If you do not take the first step, you won’t get anywhere.
Just one step and even if I fall, I know that I at least have tried.
I hid myself last week.
It’s almost second nature to hide, to pretend that I am invisible so as to protect myself.
Even when the door opened and smiles greeted me, I folded my arms; so cautious and oh so afraid to be rejected.
Today I wanted to run again.
However I stayed and tried to make some conversations.
I listened, smiled and was amused with the sharing of Monday blues.
After we parted ways, I felt the adult in me grow an inch.
She was cornered
Even though a fence separated her from the ferocious dogs
their barks still threatens her
In fright, she slipped off the edge
For a moment, her claws tried to hang on but to no avail
The dogs above her barked menacingly still
She quivered in the shadows
Hoping the darkness will swallow her
And protect her from the enemies
All of a sudden, a hand reached down
More terror? She wondered
It was instead a hand of comfort and rescue
She was lifted from the shadows
And gently placed on the grass
Who is this saviour of hers?
It was a stranger
A man on his way to work
Who saw the predicament she was in
Took the trouble to stop
And lifted her from her troubles
She purred in gratitude
These past few days I have been sitting at the feet of women; women who have the courage to be authentic, women in different stages of life, women who above all love their Savior and God.
As I sat there listening to their stories and heart songs, I find myself grow quiet within. It was almost like a breath of fresh air, to walk away from the strife, control and envy to quietness, submission, love and gentleness. Here are women who are not perfect but found their rest in the Only One that truly satisfy.
As I see how they love children, submit to their husbands, work hard at what they are responsible for, there flows such a sweetness that it makes my heart glad.
Father,
teach me to love like these women do
teach me to be content when the world screams for me to buy more, to have more, to look for more
teach me to always encourage
teach me to inspire
teach me to submit even when the world says demand your rights
teach me most of all to love You above all else
teach me that the greatest joy and satisfaction is not found in my many purchases, neither in my career or in the arms of a man
teach me to hide myself in You
teach me that only You complete me
Most of all, teach me to be like You
To have Your heart
That loves and cares
His eyes was wet with tears. I never saw a man in his 50s cried (at least not so closed up) and this was someone who has been our family friend since before I was even born.
His tears touched something deep in me. I felt humbled standing in front of him, listening to his words and seeing him wipe away his tears with a handkerchief.
For that moment, the tears created an environment of safety for both of us. It was as if ego were stripped and there we stood with stories of hope; of the embracing touch of the Heavenly Father.
It’s not true that true man do not cry. Only a man who is truly secure will be able to have the courage to engage his emotions; even if he risks being vulnerable.
I was browsing the links at http://demandyourdignity.com/ when I came across this website entitled Empowered Traditionalist. As I read through some of her articles, I find my heart resonate with the messages in there. I think after a while I tend to forget that as a woman I am precious, not because I deserve it but because of God’s grace.
Haltingly she read through the passage, sometimes stopping for a moment or two when she came across a difficult word. Yet she tried, mustering whatever knowledge she has in phonetics to piece individual alphabet with its sound to construct a word. What tenacity.
Sometimes she smiled with a tinge of embarrassment when I corrected her pronunciation. I smiled too, wanting to let her know it is okay.
Often she stopped to ask the meaning of a certain word. This tutor unfortunately is no great teacher. I did my best to explain, mustering whatever mandarin or simple English I could. She repeated after me. I could almost see her mind depositing the word into her memory.
As I walked out to the gate after the class, I spotted her looking out the window of the car. She waved shyly, a smile forming on her lips. I smiled and waved back, glad to have just that 15 minutes with her.
You parade before the mirror
With your high hat and swanky dress
You turn from side to side
Showing off that bodily figure
Waiting for that approval clap
Ah Self
You came with your high heels
Red and shiny they are
Elegant it says
Power it seems to comunicate
You stand almost proud not knowing that
It is but flimsiness holding the entire weight
