Today I wondered whether it is okay to be the melancholy me for awhile. I have always been trying to run away from myself, fearing my moodiness may isolate myself from the people around me and end up lonely. This 2 years has been the hardest to tame the melancholy within me. I keep running till there’s no more place to hide.
So today I was a little tired and I sat down, wondering why I keep wanting to blend in when I can be myself. The world defines me and I sometimes take my cue from it. Mannerism, speech, words, actions, dressing – it has become a tired game of pretense and dress-up. I want no part of it anymore for my soul is hungry for more.
Someone once said, it is not that we desire too much. It is that we desire much too little. We settle for trinkets when the pearls are just before our eyes. Our appetites are much too easily pleased. Mine especially.
Droplets of rain, chasing the heat of yesterday. I stood for a while in the drizzle, allowing the droplets to moist my harden soul. A breeze blew by and I am reminded that You who created this world, say it is good.
Father, chase my dissatisfaction, my envy and let me rest once more in Your Providence.
Jo said,
September 1, 2009 at 10:33 pm
i’m afraid to show that side of me that wants to cry and cry and not have to explain to someone that it’s my moment of release. God ends up getting it all. and those are real intimate moments. i guess, i wouldn’t trade them for anything.
i think King David was melancholy at times. it surprised me how raw he is in his psalms. and he was not any less of a person after the heart of God. he was absolutely sincere.
and so are you in sharing this. you’re a gem being revealed.
*hugs*
jo
bethellie said,
September 9, 2009 at 5:42 pm
I guess I am still trying to come into terms with the melancholy side of me. I feel sometimes a bit wrong to be so sad when hey many people think Christians should be happy all the time.. yes? no?
Blogging about this side of me is esp vulnerable and I applaud David for having the courage to be so real.
Thanks for the affirmation.
It means lots to me. 
Jo said,
September 10, 2009 at 12:08 am
i was thinking on the bus one day before going to church that i had to be joyful that day but i really wasn’t because i felt it would be less of a burden to people. then God gave me this verse.
Ecclesiastes 7:3
Sorrow is better than laughter, because a sad face is good for the heart.
and somehow, that made me feel better. that God didn’t really want me to fake what i felt, and there was a reason for when we feel sad inside or pensive. and we’re not just being emo. that we can just pour out our hearts to Him. i’m glad He’s there coz i feel awful lonely at times.
i think, you are, like ellie in UP! – lovely. the essence of you.
bethellie said,
September 24, 2009 at 10:50 pm
I’m glad you shared this. I echo your sentence about being lonely… I do too.. Haha! Part of being a melancholy I guess.
I am still trying to grasp all this and I hope one day I’ll be comfortable in my ‘melancholy skin’ knowing that He made me of this temperament to reflect His image. I don’t know how that can be but hey I think God is bigger and more unconventional than we think.
Thanks again for sharing. Your comments are truly valuable.
*Hugs*
Jo said,
September 25, 2009 at 2:12 am
thanks for letting me share
hehe. i think God related to His disciples differently. like John who loved to be close to Jesus. Paul was so different too. And Peter was impulsive.
i think that Melancholics have the ability to sense things, the unspoken words in a conversation, sensitivity to someone. that’s part of the deep nature. and that appreciation for beauty too
hehe. that loneliness, guess it’s hard to find people that understand. but God fills that everyday. and i think He’s the only One who satisfies and then all those lonely moments become special. it’s such grace to experience that. though painful initially.
i guess, we don’t have to set ourselves as one type of personality. it’s just a guide. to know how to interact with people. understand them. but don’t let it define who you are from the inside at the end of the day. coz we tend to do that. and for me too in psychology. so i’m always trying to tell myself not to label or put people into categories. especially clients. coz doing that will depersonalize them and then i stop really trying to want to know more about people. who they are. what they like or don’t like. we’re so dynamic too. hehe…
love,
jo