Hunger

I came back today… feeling hungry.

Hungry physically – the fainting type of hunger.

After I fed the physical hunger. I was still hungry.

However it was a different hunger.

It was a hunger for friendship and for companionship.

At first I thought it will stop there.

But the hunger went even deeper.

I realized I was hungry for Him.

Out of my wandering in the desert, when I know not hunger anymore, I suddenly felt a ravishing hunger for Him.

And it hit me – how hungry I have been. Yet I did not know.

One can get used to that. Hunger that numbs the senses till you no longer felt it.

Until one taste again the sweetness of food.

First it aches. Aches so much that it goes deep down within ones gut.

Then slowly the sweetness enters – to fill the aching hunger and awaken a deep longing -
Longing that has been buried deep inside.
Longing that have been masked by rebelliousness and stubborness.

I miss you dear Heavenly Father.
Even in my foolishness, You stay true.
May my hunger for You never ceases.
There is joy in loving you and of putting you in the centre of it all.
I feel somehow I am home.

Home in Your arms.
Home in Your love.
Home in You.

New Chapter

A whirlwind of activities
The turning of pages in the chapters
Once a child, now a woman Once a daughter, now a wife
The differences in roles
Yet beneath it lies the same core
To grow is to see beyond oneself
To love is to lay down all
This is the beginning of the journey

Addictions

Our addiction is birth out of our emptiness and it is in our emptiness that our addictions are fed.

Mud

We pass the buck around
Wanting to sling some mud on the next person
Forgetting that once our hands are soiled
And the other mud-ridden
Both needs a shower

Lines in the Sand

Drawing lines in the sands
Include this and exclude that
Stand here and not there
Till one stands only on one inch ground

Let the winds of grace
Blur these lines in the sands
Till the perimeters widen
And celebrate with a somersault

Depth, or the Lack of It

There’s so much depth in the apparent superficial
That words alone failed to capture
It’s as if I’ve tasted the depth
And pulled back from it with trembling fears
Would I drown or would I float
In the sea of deep thoughts and wrenching emotions
So I park myself at the beach
With the sands in between my toes
and the sprinkle of sea water wetting my nose
Tasting and yet never drinking
The gloriousness of embracing depth without being overwhelmed

Battle

Battle.

Called to be a soldier not a loafter.
A soldier who is battle ready. Not slacking under the sun.
A soldier whose gun is ready to fire. Not cast aside as in the days of peace.

We’ve been born into a battle ground.
From the first day we breathed the air on earth
It is a battle – of one’s soul, of choices and of destiny.

We who said we are battling
Are we indeed battle ready?
Or are we still sitting under the shades
Sipping our coffee and watching the days gone by?

Balance and Conflict

Quotes for thoughts:

There’s just something really wrong with me. I want to change, but I – I can’t. And I just know I’ll never fit in anywhere.  – Jo March

Late at night my mind would come alive with voices and stories and friends as dear to me as any in the real world. I gave myself up to it, longing for transformation. – Jo March

Jo, there is more to you than this. If you have the courage to write it.
- Friedrich Bhaer 

You must write from life, from the depths of your soul! - Friedrich Bhaer 

Oh, Jo. Jo, you have so many extraordinary gifts; how can you expect to lead an ordinary life? You’re ready to go out and – and find a good use for your talent. Tho’ I don’t know what I shall do without my Jo. Go, and embrace your liberty. And see what wonderful things come of it. – Marmee March

If God wants me with Him, there is none who will stop Him. I don’t mind. I was never like the rest of you… making plans about the great things I’d do. I never saw myself as anything much. Not a great writer like you. – Beth March

Little Women, one of the story I return again and again to soak in its goodness and inspiration.

Jo, just like Jo. Restless, idealistic and stubborn. Not entirely docile for there’s a temper hidden within her. A temper that if pushed at the right direction, may yield much good. Alas, she has the fear of Beth – never daring to venture beyond one’s comfort zone. So, there exists the ever battle within her – seemingly opposites in nature. Yet in the story, different as they are, there exists a deep bond and friendship between Jo and Beth. If only one could draw a balance between the 2…to leverage the strengths of both…

The first 12 of my 1000 Gifts

“Gratitude bestows reverence, allowing us to encounter everyday epiphanies, those transcendent moments of awe that change forever how we experience life and the world.” - John Milton

#1 My best friend and my mom who came along with me for my 6 hours + wedding gown hunting. For helping me get in and out of the countless gowns I tried and having tons of fun and laughter.

#2 My fiance who never gives up on me even when things are tough. Grateful for him in always making sure issues are ironed out and never letting me retreat into a silent mode. Thankful that he always believe in the best. Hope is always burning brightly in him!

#3 Beautiful song and story that lifts my spirit up and cause me to smile.

#4 Orange chicken chop at Damansara Utama which was very nice

#5 More savings with season parking pass

#6 Money to spent for Christmas from dad

#7 Smiles from the worker who washes my car

#8 My favourite uncle coming back from HK today

#9 Marveling at the written testimony of a gal friend. Such a well written and articulated piece

#10 Beautiful Christmas decorations signifying the nearness of Christmas season

#11 Prayer from my favourite pastor that brought tears to my eyes – a prayer of growth, of gentleness and of hope

#12 Tasty chicken rice and hot soup after a day of gown shopping

Now I see the light

All those days watching from the windows
All those years outside looking in
All that time never even knowing
Just how blind I’ve been
Now I’m here, blinking in the starlight
Now I’m here, suddenly I see
Standing here, it’s all so clear
I’m where I’m meant to be

And at last I see the light
And it’s like the fog has lifted
And at last I see the light
And it’s like the sky is new
And it’s warm and real and bright
And the world has somehow shifted
All at once everything looks different
Now that I see you

A beautiful song to a beautiful movie.
The beauty of this scene is breath-taking. Sometimes we can be blind towards the blessings we have.
Sometimes we spend our lives looking at other people’s window, forgetting that our view has a unique picture too!

When our sights shift then we began to see our lives anew. I want to begin to shift my perspective as well – to see beauty in my days. So I am counting my 1000 gifts inspired by this.